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Armchair Theatre

by THE SPECTRAL PRiDE

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1.
Mr Brown 05:37
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MR BROWN Night never comes too soon When taking potshots at the moon So bring it on The caffeine and the snacks Will keep the engine on the tracks Right through till dawn The boys are all online Gearing up for a good time High energy So load and mobilize Dust the cobwebs from your eyes And slap that key O when you're screeching through the moonlight to the mark You're up there with the hornet and the eagle and the locust and the shark It's the feeling that you're dealing with the force that drives the trees up to the sky A desire so compulsive it's repulsive to the fear that makes you cry: Thumbs-up, Mr Brown The intel strikes a chord When it's green across the board All set to fire The chin-mounts and the stubs Will make the bumpkins bounce and grub Like they're on wires The boys are GEN-IV-eyed Senses focussed on the ride Across the dunes So keep the cross-hairs on the zone Stay hungry for the dawn And kill that moon O when you're kicking up the dust along the street You're out there with the dragons as they swoop to tear apart a viking fleet It's the rapture in a mixture of emotions racing through your fingertips A pleasure so demanding it's withstanding all objections on your lips: Thumbs-up, Mr Brown Now a settlement appears like a load of Lego glowing on the plain The magazines are rattling, missiles blazing in a hellfire hurricane The shanties are exploding, roads eroding as the trees fly up the sky The kids all flames collapsing, mothers gasping, lungs too burnt to scream or cry: Thumbs-down, Mr Brown
2.
There Goes Bill 05:28
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THERE GOES BILL There goes Bill with a wibble and a wobble And a creak in his stride today All iced-up with the dumbers and the numbers On a backroad to Tiger Bay Poor old Bill, huddled in a muddle With the joss-sticks and oolong tea Can't tell his As from his Es in a puddle Of remembrance and fantasy Hey Bill There goes Bill in a summer of love With the headband and fairylights Turned right on with the power of a flower On a warm San Franciscan night Bobalong Bill a-sneaking and a-freaking Through the kaftans and jesus-boots Grooving away to the Mamas and the Papas And a homegrown bamboo flute Hey Bill Slow down, Bill, the sizzle in the swizzle Is a long way away today The fire has gone, doused in a drizzle Of banality and worn cliches Peripheral Bill, mumbling and a-grumbling As the catheter drips away This is the hour of the withering flower And the wallpaper fades to grey Hey Bill
3.
Mo 03:24
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MO Blue is the sky through the window today Blue is the skirting-board, blue the duvet Blue is the cushion and blue is the chair Blue are the fingers that run through your hair Life is change And things can sometimes be so strange Days are long When everything keeps going wrong Nasty the hate when you can't get your way Nasty the feeling the hate's here to stay Nasty the chinese burn, nasty the sore Nasty the fingers you trapped in the drawer Life is pain The tears are swirling down the drain Days are hard The dog is whimpering in the yard More then the kneecap you cracked in the fall The bruises and scratches, the mangy catcalls More than the doll that was thrown at the door Its head broken open, the eyes on the floor Life is warm A flower unfolding in the dawn Days are here The weeks are turning into years Mo
4.
Al Vegoda 03:56
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AL VEGODA This is the early learning centre This is the place where science meets truth This is the grand endurance Where men play hard and boys learn how to lose I can beat this, I can beat this Cos I'm better than you I can beat this, I can beat this Cos I've thought it through I can beat this, I can beat this Behind my cool I'm red, black And deep blue This is the year of the catsuit Adoring women gazing up at you Fag-ash tuxedo junction Sour benzedrine, a grave of watery booze She is the judge and jury The summing up, the calculating glance Witness the prostitution Right to win, left to chance I can beat this, I can beat this Got a feel for the action and a passion for the wheel I can beat this, I can beat this Got the skill for the hustle and the muscle for the kill Behind my cool I'm red, black And steel blue This is the learning centre This is the place where dreams become bad debts This is the grand illusion Place your bets
5.
Wally Mudd 04:47
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WALLY MUDD Behold the Muddy Man Wider than a caravan Filling up the shopping cart With brandysnap and bakewell tarts The mighty Muddy Man Two-storey mastodon Striding across the land A cornish-pastie in each hand Oh, Wally Mudd I am the Mudd You're just a spud Oh, lovely spud Riding the big kahuna Over the crud Yum-yum-yum yummy-yum Red, green and purple gums Following the multipacks Of tasty potato snacks Yum-yum-yum yummy-yum There goes another bun Joining the legions Of hundreds and thousands Big Wally Mudd I am the Mudd Up to no good Oh, goody good Motion is neverending Lost in the flood Groaning tables, greasy bacon Slide that fried egg down Towers of bagels, glazed and vacant All he leaves is brown And disguised as clay Can't resist the flavour Of Hoola Hoops and Quavers Scoop them up, ram them in Wipe the dribble from your chin Beware the turnabout What goes in must come out Pressure building in the pipes Bubble and squeak getting ripe There goes the Muddy Man Darkest cloud across the land Wiser men run for cover Chocolate drops from Krakatoa Go, Wally Mudd I am the Mudd Big useless spud The spud is good Headfirst and mouth wide open Into the crud I loves the crud Go, Wally Mudd Mudd Mudd Muddy Mudd Life is no good The crud is good Darkness is neverending
6.
Darby 04:41
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DARBY Sun on high, prairie sky Looking the longhorns in the eye Crack a beer, rope that steer Redhot iron across the rear On the hop, clippety-clop Sheriff badge and a lollipop Tasselled hat, boots and spurs Riding the big boys on all fours Saddle up! Giddy up, cheeky pup Trade in the trough for a stirrup cup Spellbound smiles, blood-red tiles Feeling the jab of the old nail-file On the range, nice blue flames Keeping the heart from going lame Steaming flans, pots and pans Tough as the yarn from Acrilan Whittle that wood! Sun so low, where's the glow? Trampled to dust with the mistletoe Runny eggs, bandy legs Flopping about with the muddiest dregs On the heap, feeling cheap Handful of helpers to bring on sleep Head so raw, ankles sore Cowpoke jiggery cheerio Bow-wow-wow! Get here now!
7.
Shackleton 05:03
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SHACKLETON The pressure of life squeezes like a vice Men buckle unless they are assured Endeavour has gone, crucified by ice Let's pull together and take this mess onboard O when the wind comes whistling up the pass Keep alive, boys - stay alive Think of the times you had a fuller glass Keep alive, boys - stay alive Cold and starvation will keep a man awake Guts rumble and creak like a yardarm Chapped lips smack for a lovely piece of hake Ne potaties to warm you like a charm Push all the snarling demons from your mind Keep alive, boys - stay alive Too much disharmony will make you blind Keep alive, boys - stay alive Frostbite and chilblains can wreck the finest day Survival is now the main concern The lights of St Georgia are a lifetime away But I tell you: One day we will return No time for ruminating on the past Keep alive, boys - stay alive Only the absentminded can't be arsed Keep alive, boys - stay alive
8.
Small Game for Big Hunters 05:31
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SMALL GAME FOR BIG HUNTERS Smoke-rings are floating in the clubhouse Trophies all lined up on the walls Big shiny eyes Stare you down and criticize A twelve-bore can be a powerful thing You know it will chain your hands together You know it will nail you to the floor Day after day The deepsea divers choke and sway Dogma can be the wildest thing It's behind you - as plain as plain can be Standing there behind you - stroking a goatee It's behind you - high up on its toes Standing right behind you - a finger up its nose Fuddwits are whispering the clubhouse Grapevines are climbing up the walls Titbits and lies Scratch your back and vilify A driveller can be a powerful thing You know it will tear apart your love-life You know it will bore you to the bone Year after year The forklift drivers frown and sneer Failure can be a furious thing It's behind you - a predator waylaid Standing there behind you - sharpening a blade It's behind you - don't look the other way Standing right behind you - as big as Hemingway It's behind you - jaw hanging open wide Standing there behind you - better run and hide It's behind you - tooled up and set to blast Standing right behind you - that shadow from the past
9.
Ghost Train 06:06
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GHOST TRAIN It's the night of the demon, the sign of the claw Boogla-wooglas are turning up by the score The taste of the static is the taste of delight And when the wagons start trundling we'll be zombie looning tonight Here in the dark spirits are burning Pulsing with energy Flickers and sparks at every turning The glow of urgency Manic we go corner to corner Derangements without end O what a ride to spook a brother A zombie round the bend Down in the dungeons chained to the wall The old man is howling like a dog with no balls The kick of the poison is no kick of delight And now the vapours are rising we're all zombie looning tonight Lost in the dark everyone's screaming Blood gurgling down the drains Spiders and snarks, dusty grimalkins Gift-wrapped in cellophane Holding on tight to one another The world is all in flames O what a sight to scare your mother A zombie born again
10.
Gnosy Ones 06:33
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GNOSY ONES And all the stir-fries in the world are burning And all the boys and all the girls are yearning And you just sit there in your chair all rosy Cause anyone who ever cared is gnosy

about

A collection of songs about people trapped in armchairs, thinking they are somewhere else.

credits

released April 1, 2011

Remixed and remastered August 2011.
1-3 & 6-10 written by THE SPECTRAL PRiDE;
© 2011 Bollockbrain Productions.
4 & 5 written by Jonny Deadpan & THE SPECTRAL PRiDE;
© 2011 Deep Coma & Bollockbrain Productions.

Arranged & played by THE SPECTRAL PRiDE.
Special guest: Jonny Deadpan on Al Vegoda & Wally Mudd.
Recorded, mixed and mastered by The Knobster at The Bunker.
Produced by Mr Reindeer.
Artwork: Frank Blunt.
© & ℗ 2011 Bollockbrain Productions.

A Genuine Bollockbrain Product.

Complete artwork is included with the album download.

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THE SPECTRAL PRiDE image

THE SPECTRAL PRiDE Hornsea

A recording venture launched in the spring of 2004 to enable four friends to meet and indulge in a common favourite pastime: the laying down of sounds while making one another laugh.

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